English giggles

As most of you know, Andy and I have only a week and a half left in Korea. Then it's back to home sweet home.

But until then, I'm going to enjoy all the Konglish I can get.

I was correcting a student's homework today. There was a vocab section where they had to match quantities with items, i.e. a tube of toothpaste, a bar of soap. For one of the answers, they had matched "a piece of" with "bread," so that by the end of the assignment they were left with "a loaf of" and nowhere to put it. And so, ladies and gentlemen, a new phrase has been born: A loaf of information.

Für Elise

Have I mentioned how ubiquitous "Für Elise" is here? It plays when large vehicles are backing up, instead of ordinary beeping. You hear it when someone presses a "help" button in the subway station. It plays in restaurant kitchens when something needs to be taken out of the oven. It is our doorbell.

When it isn't annoying the heck out of me, it makes me giggle to think that when Bethoven composed this piece way back in the day, he had no idea that a crappy electronic version would find its way into doorbells, trucks, and subway stations of Seoul, Korea.

Picture catch-up

We spent a weekend in Incheon, a port city connected to Seoul by the subway...

...where I bought a sweatshirt with ears on the hood...


...and there was a Chinatown (that's me inside a Chinese dumpling)...


...and a parade to honor Buddha's birthday...




...and feminists?...


...and there was this cafe decorated on the outside with bottle caps...


...and in general we just enjoyed the lack of pollution and crowded streets. Thumbs up.

One of the many properties of aspirin?

I will never understand Korean medicine and its theories (superstitions?). Example conversation:

Student: Are you cold?

(I was wearing a sweater)

Me: Yeah. I'm cold.

Student: Did you catch a cold?

(this has happened many times before. Apparently, for some people, the two colds are synonymous with one another. Granted, this could be a linguistic confusion, since English uses the same word for different things)

Me: No.

Student: (confused) Oh, really?

Me: You can be cold and not catch a cold. I'm still healthy.

Student: Oh. You should take a pill.

Me: A pill?

Student: Yes. Like aspirin.

Me: Will aspirin make me warm?

Student: Yes.

..... okay.....

Excursion to Bau House!

Puppy cafe! The perfect place to go if you are suffering from puppy withdrawal (as I am), but people can also bring their own dog to sit with them as they drink coffee. When I say this place is crawling with dogs, I am not joking - dogs are everywhere, including on the tabletops and window ledges. Luckily none of them managed to steal any of our kimchi rice, though you will see a couple pictures of dogs giving the food some longing looks...











Also, here is a link to the wikipedia article about my dream dog, the Jindo:
Korean Jindo Dog

Baby's first business cards

When I came into work today, I found a little plastic box filled with snazzy new business cards with my name and contact info on them. One month before I leave. How ironic.

Sushi Dreams

Okay. We went back to Teriyaki a third time, and I think I've finally eaten too much sushi because I dreamed about it last night. We were eating live octopus-fish combination. Maybe it's time to lay off the raw stuffs.

Adventures

I don't know how it happened, but this weekend ended up being a shopping mall weekend. In Seoul, there is a mall called Coex, and it is the most confusing mall I have ever been in. The halls wind and twist and the lighting is strange - probably as a ploy to get shoppers lost so that they have to buy more ice cream. In addition, signs are often faulty or missing. I was trying to get to the Hyundai department store, so I followed a sign. But it only took me as far as a split in the hallway, and then there was no subsequent sign. So... which way, Coex? Sneaky place.

So the reason we ended up at the mall twice this weekend was that we discovered an awesome Japanese restaurant called Teriyaki (though as far as I can tell that's just a name, and not a dish they actually serve). Previously, Andy and I had both been sick after eating sushi at a sub-par Japanese restaurant (meaning very sub-par food for a very NOT sub-par price) and the sushi had been terrible - impossible to chew so that you had to basically swallow it whole, which felt weird in the throat because it was raw fish (obviously). So we decided we didn't like sushi.

Until Teriyaki! We were seduced inside by the plastic model of a rice dish (restaurants here often have displays of their dishes in the windows - real food coated in something plasticky, preserved for generations to come), but once we were seated we found ourselves bravely ordering sushi.

And it. Was. Lovely.

Shrimp, salmon, octopus, and some unknown white fish sushi. Everything tasted great, melted in the mouth, etc. Even the octupus. Sad, isn't it? The bad sushi we had before was the same unknown white fish sushi, but it was even chewier than the octopus sushi at Teriyaki.

Additionally, there was a random Korean celebrity taking pictures with people outside the bookstore. I didn't see much because of the crowd - I could only make out his hair. It was very whooshy, and swept to one side. People screamed whenever he put his arm around a girl for a photo.

A logic of its own

This weekend, Andy and I paid an impromptu visit to Lotte World, the local theme park. It was a complete rip-off combination of Disney World and Universal Studios. They have a castle, and an around-the-world theme, and people wearing suspiciously familiar cartoonish costumes, and even a Mummy ride (called Pharaoh's Fury) which I know for a fact wasn't around before Universal Studios built their own. Many of the rides followed a logic of their own. For example, we went on a water canoe ride that took you through a Turkish-themed indoor area thing, then took you up a hill and dropped you in Jurassic Park - complete with animatronic triceratops, T-rex, and stegasaurus. Another strange ride was the hot air balloon ride - you rode in a car modeled after balloons, and the track circled the ceiling of the theme park (it was indoors). Nice view, and a very peaceful ride... until you reach the end, where the track inexplicably takes you through a cave that is frighteningly Mummy-themed (imagine scary Mummy voices, red lights, and smoke). I imagine a lot of unsuspecting kids got a bit of a surprise.

Pictures to come.

To change the subject, the yellow dust has come to Korea. This is a gust of dust-bearing wind from China, which our students have been warning us about for months, but really it has only manifested itself in a slightly hazy sky. Nevertheless, I have been wearing a precautionary mask, and the dust is expected to stick around for just one more day.

Also, yesterday they tested the holy-crap-North-Korea-is-invading sirens. They sound just like tornado sirens.

Thunderstorm equation

I was trying to get a student of mine to define "thunderstorm." I prompted him: "A thunderstorm is rain plus thunder plus...?" He thought for a moment, and then said, "Harry Potter's head."

Culture shock commute

I will never understand Seoul's subway culture.

People's favorite place to stand on the train is right in front of the doors. This is because the trains tend to be so crowded that people are afraid they'll miss their stop otherwise. But this practice has resulted in the strange habit of people standing in the doorway as early as three stops away from their destination even when the train is practically deserted. This also means when the train is busy, there's nowhere to go once you step on the train because people are blocking your way - and if we all just spread out instead of clogging the doorways, we wouldn't elbow each other so much, and we probably wouldn't miss our stops either.

It's a vicious cycle. People crowd the doorways because they're afraid of missing their stops, but they're afraid of missing their stops because people clog the doorways.

Get it? I don't.

Pictures! Children's Grand Park

At this time of year, the Children's Grand Park is not so very grand. Nearly everything but the zoo was under construction. So we had to make our own fun.

By the way, the sign in picture #2 says "Wildflower Garden." And the wooden boat is supposed to be surrounded by a luxurious pond.

Hasty way

Many apologies for this blog's severe hiatus. Let's celebrate with some entertaining English!

First of all, I just finished a box of chocolate milk. On the front, it says the following: "Our Chocolate flavored milk drink is hasty way to freshen up your day."

I have also had a student tell me that New York City is the capital of the earth. If you're thinking in stock exchange terms, I guess that statement is pretty accurate.

In other news, North Korea is planning to "launch a satellite" very soon, a serial killer has been caught (and everyone is interested in the fact that he's handsome), and I'm trying to work up the courage to buy a slab of yellow bread from the back of someone's truck (selling food from vehicles is quite common - there's a man who sells eggs from his car in our neighborhood, and we know when he's around because he always rings a little bell to announce his presence).

Also, all you Ohio dwellers, be jealous! It's jacket weather here!

Pictures! Chicken 'n beer with coworkers

There's this type of food/drink place you can go to that is neither restaurant nor bar. It specializes in fried chicken and beer. It's pretty common to go out with friends or coworkers in the evening for chicken and beer. The chicken is fine indeed (can we say SMOTHERED in garlic?) but I would not recommend the beer. The brand is Cass, and it tastes like stale water.

Happy lunar new year!

You'd think it would be exciting being in Asia for lunar (don't say "Chinese," I've had several Koreans correct me) new year, and perhaps it would be in China - fireworks and whatnot. But here, the most exciting thing that happened was getting 4 days off work in a row. There are no big festivals, bright lights, or loud explosions in Korea, just people chilling with their families and eating rice cakes. I guess it's kind of like Christmas in that respect, but at least x-mas-tide comes with exciting things like parades and Black Friday (though you could argue those are both more closely related to Thanksgiving).

So to get a pinch of new year spirit, Andy and I braved the throngs of children and parents at a Korean folk village to watch performances (I particularly enjoyed one with a man doing tricks on a rope, waving a fan that probably didn't do much physically for balance but must be a good mental boost) and people hopping up and down on strange, aggressive versions of see-saws. There were supposed to be free samples of rice cake soup, but all we found were remnants - styrofoam bowls in plastic bags, cold soup drops on tables. We did get to try unfiltered rice wine, which was like drinking the starchy water leftover from boiling rice - fermented. The sky above the folk village was brimming with kites, which was cool, and the ground was filled with children playing with metal hoops (looked like a game from the 1930s). I wore my animal hat to the event, and caught an old man not-so-discreetly taking my picture against a traditional-style Korean house. We ran into him again later, and he grinned and said, "One more!" then made me and Andy pose while he creepily took our picture again.

We followed up our adventures with a huge box of popcorn and 2 hours with Tom Cruise and his eye patch.

Baldness is a geometry problem.

Said by my student. She meant genetic problem.

Overcoming my scary

Yesterday, I asked a student of mine how often she uses English in her daily life. She said she tries to avoid it, because English is scary, and that's why she's taking classes. Then she giggled and said, "I am overcoming my scary."

There is a frequent mistake that students make here, and that is getting the phrase "in the case of" wrong. They skip the article completely, and just say "in case of." This phrase is most often used when the student is making a point about differences between Korea and other countries, so I often hear people say, "In case of Korea." I've decided that if I ever write a story/novel/script about my teaching experiences here, that is what it should be called. In Case of Korea.

Christmas creatures

I (heart) Engrish

I just found an empty chocolate box on my desk, left over from Christmas. Printed on the front: "Ghana Mild Chocolate. Let's feel its richness of cacao mixed with the mild taste." I like how this command is given in the first person plural - it's very fuzzy and feel-good.

In the realm of other Engrish-y things, I saw the following printed on a sweater in an underground shopping center: "I (heart) Naked." Grammar confusion aside, does this strike anyone else as profoundly ironic?

Two of my students today have taught me a little bit about naming traditions in Korea. The first student told me that there is a tradition of consulting a certain type of fortune teller who tells the parents what they should name the child. There was one particular man (no longer alive) who was very well-known for it, and she hypothesized that more than half of the Koreans in Seoul her age (she's in her 40s) will have gotten their name from this man. My other student explained the practice of using the Chinese characters for Tree, Fire, Water, Iron, and Earth in names. It's sort of done in rotation - a particular man has Tree in his name, and his sons must have Fire in their names, and his grandchildren must have Water in their names, etc. But apparently this is only passed down through the men.

More amusing Konglish coming soon!

Corn beard

Happy new year, all you who are several hours behind Korea! It's been 2009 here longer!

So wow. It's been a really weird week - first I, then Andy got sick (some sort of freaky chest infection), so both Christmas and New Years were a bit quieter than usual. No raucus parties for us. Lots of medicine, juice, and lounging instead. But I'm up to 90% healthy, and Andy's just about broken 50% I think, so hooray. Sorry about the slow postings, but as you can see I have my excuses, and I think more frequent posts should be a New Year's resolution of mine.

Obviously, we couldn't take part, but one of my coworkers told me about the New Year's party in Seoul that is akin to what goes down in Times Square. He said that instead of a ball dropping, they ring a big bell at midnight, followed by all the merry people letting off many haphazard fireworks in the middle of the crowd. His coat actually got singed by a stray. But this party seems like the exception rather than the rule - in general, my students tell me that they did basically the same stuff they did on Christmas: watch TV, chill out with their spouse, maybe go out to eat. Nothing special.

Ever since coming here, I have been puzzled by the ambiguous tea bags in the waiting room, and today all my questions were answered. One of my students was drinking the tea, so I asked what kind of tea it was. Answer: corn beard tea.

What is corn beard, you ask? It's those annoying long, fine stringy things that get in the way when you're husking corn. Apparently they can be made into a (kinda weird tasting) tea. Who knew.